Sometimes I find myself on lil side-roads of my journey in life. Often those side-road trips are pleasant surprises for me... other times they're side-roads seemingly paved with sharp, ragged-edged rocks and big boulders in the middle of my path... I find myself getting bruised, cut, bleeding and frustrated to the point of hot tears burning in my eyes. Then, sadly, I find myself opening the door to doubt. And it is just not one thing I begin to doubt... it's many.
I start questioning myself... am I smart enough? am I strong enough? am I witty enough? am I compassionate enough? am I friendly enough? am I clever enough? am I pretty enough? You see the pattern... Usually those questions are easily enough answered, once I calm down and think things through in a rational way.
However... it's when one of those side-roads leads to that door of doubt that's slowly opening before me with seemingly no help on my part... when I begin to really believe I'm in trouble. Those are the worse times for self-doubt and questioning. I begin to wonder about my faith in God. I don't know about y'all, but that does happen with me... and, honestly, it scares me to death. It simply goes against everything I was taught... everything I believe in. And so I struggle against that door. I try hard to remember that God wants me to hold tight to my faith. He wants me to take baby steps and not forget that He will help me, but I also have to attempt to help myself with Him at my side.
As I've been writing this post... basically just rambling away to get things off of my chest... I remembered back in April, I was tagged to write "My Life Motto" in six words. My motto is just a reminder to myself to have faith in God. Now I just need to keep that motto in front of me just a lil bit more than I have been. Thanks for listening...
Until another time... Pearl
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